"He who cannot draw on three thousand years is living from hand to mouth."
-Goethe

***
My world is changing. A crisis? Yes, actually. Welcomed? Yes again. Something that I based my ideas of reality on has been shaken, and I am basically dodging falling rubble at this point-- in at least one area of immense importance. It would be false to say that I have not been expecting this demolition to happen for some time. I anticipated it-- which is why I am enjoying the open air and fresh view, even though part of me feels the sting of lost security. My mind has been chipping away at the fault lines in my now collapsed belief, and by the grace of God the stiffling walls have fallen. With Him I am sifting through what still remains.

Aside from my mind consuming my whole being the last few days, the more banal demands of living persist-- they insist that I, with time, go on. Vital stats: I've chosen to overridde the recommended number of credit hours by six, and I'm pleased with my class additions. I've now eighteen credits: Gender Roles in Society, Philosophy, History and Literature of Ancient Israel, British and American Literature, German, and Creative Writing. A new job also starts for me tomorrow, and somehow my time will have to be balanced between the pull of these two vectors. Classes here are more academically rigorous than those I took at CSU-- studios are really non-comparable to academics, so I say this without taking those into the comparison. I still think about Providence sometimes--about RISD... but this is fitting, and each passing day seems to bear witness to the beauty of this new and puzzling decision.


Someone is playing the old Romeo and Juliet soundrack, which is so surreal. I think I tossed that CD aside in junior high; it is an odd sensation to still know the words.